Vanity Tae

Sometimes I have a strong streak of vanity. This causes me to take my big hats out on a date. Then we, me and my hats, get our pictures taken. These are a few of those lovely pictures.

Throw Pillows

As a woman, I have found myself in the position of explaining the purpose of throw pillows many times. And each time it usually ends with "you just don't understand!!" or "I don't know how to explain it! I just like them ok!!" And honestly, I didn't get throw pillows either, why do I like them so much? And I ask myself the same questions men ask me about them: why put pillows on the bed that you aren't allowed to lay on? And why make more work for yourself when making your bed? Wouldn't it be nicer to just have no pillows on the bed except for laying on? They aren't even comfortable, you only use them to look nice, why?

Well I think I finally get it. After reading a book called "Captivating" which is a guide to understanding a women's soul by John and Stasi Eldredge, I learned that my feminine heart has a deep desire to be beautiful and create beauty. So there, I will now answer all the questions about why throw pillows with because they are pretty and no you are not allowed to put your greasy face on them because I want them to stay pretty. And the same goes for all decorating including seasonal decor. I put pumpkins on the table because it looks nice and all you have to do is enjoy the looking nice of it all.

3 Cinnamon Rolls Later. . .

I have just realized that I am well on my way to getting over the end of my relationship. I have already gone through the first three stages.

Stage 1: I am so depressed I can't get out of bed, talk to anyone, or even eat. Emotional starving is always the stage that seems to be the most beneficial. Cause it leads you right into stage two.

Stage 2: Emotional shopping also known as "retail therapy" This stage can also be considered beneficial depending on how you look at it. One you get to have a closet full of new things that all look fantastic on you cause of the emotional starving. On the other hand, you spend way too much and now your bank account is starving as well. And chances are, stage three will leave all the new clothes useless.

Stage 3: Emotional eating. The stage that I am currently in. I will spare you the gross details of the things I have consumed this weekend but I will tell you that I have an ache in my stomach that may not go away for awhile. Why can't I go back to the emotional starving stage?

Pressing Questions

I have a few questions.

1: How did eHarmony get my email address? I mean really eHarmony it hasn't been that long I am not ready to find a new soul mate yet. Boundaries eHarmony, boundaries. You're moving way too fast for me, if any dating site should have my email address right now it should be called something like "anonymous cuddling" or "we don't have to talk or even know each others names but I will take you to dinner and a movie just so I don't have to go to a movie by myself." Or something along those lines.

2: Why does eHarmony think my name is Shayla? My email address is my name so how do they get that wrong?

And 3: Why would any man who is trying to pursue a young lady start an email by saying 'I'm probably not as straight as you would like me to be. . ." and still think that that young lady would be interested in pursuing him?

I never check my email. And I do believe that I have new reasons never to check it again. I wish I was making this stuff up.

It's Permanent but Only Temporarily

As most of you have heard by now, I am once again a single woman. This event has come with some other strange events. I'm not sure if what I am experiencing is a post relationship crisis or a midtwenties crisis, either way, I am in crisis. I know this because I spent an entire day Saturday shopping and nearly every article of clothing I tried on was either leather of had an awful animal print on it. I was even close to purchasing this very bad ass leather jacket that looked really bad ass on me. So why not purchase it you ask? Because I realized that it only looked really bad ass on me when I was topless underneath and the jacket was only zipped up half way. It made me feel like cat woman or like I was in the movie Underworld. Obviously I could never leave my room like that and so I chose to instead to be bamboozled by a woman curling my hair and instead spent my money on a straightener that I neither need or want. Those damn kiosk sales persons! If you need a straightener that can also curl your hair, I have one I am more than willing to sell although I know I would never get the ridiculous price that I paid for it.

Preparedness Tips from the Cox Household

As of late, the BF and I have been preparing ourselves for what we call "when the shit goes down." So far this has meant getting 72 hour kits put together. The many hours spent doing this have been frustrating for us but I think possibly entertaining for others. And I have learned quite a lot about preparedness from our conversations. Most of them went like this:

BF: Why are packing us cheap hotel shampoo?
Me: When the shit goes down do you really think we are going to care what kind of shampoo we have to use? No we will just be happy to have it.

Me: I would really like a purple sleeping bag.
BF: No, when the shit goes down, you're going to want to blend in to the ground or the trees or something. You're getting green.
Me: When the shit goes down we're going to have to sleep in trees?
BF: You never know. But that reminds me that we need to get walkie talkies.
Me: Sleeping in trees reminds you of walkie talkies?

Me: You aren't going to pack all of those clothes are you? You're bag will be to heavy for you to carry.
BF: You're right,and when the shit goes down, I probably won't care what I have to wear.

Me: Let's not forget to put some cash into our bags.
BF: When the shit goes down, is cash really going to be worth anything? What we need are some chickens and moonshine, people will trade anything for chickens and moonshine.
Me: Well this list says we should have some cash and some quarters to make phone calls.
BF: Pay phones don't even exist now, they aren't going to exist when the shit goes down.

I feel completely prepared and completely unprepared at the same time. Thank goodness the shit isn't going to go down till October.

1 Degree Down, 3 More to Go

So technically this semester I will have an Associates Degree, although I am not graduating nor am I walking or doing any sort of ceremony (unless you count laying on the beach sipping cold drinks as a ceremony). I know that I still have a long way to go before people call me "Dr. Shauntae: Master of the English Language and Human Experience since the Rise and Fall of the Confederate Union" (I am working on an acronym for that). But I also know not to discount my accomplishments and experiences because they are mine and I love them all. So to celebrate my achievement of attaining an A. S. I will share a few of my experiences and most important lessons and as you may have guessed, most of them have nothing to do with Literary Studies (which is my undergrad major for those of you who don't know). Also we need to note that these lessons have been learned in the last 7 years since that sort of is how long it took me to get this far (not all 7 years were spent in school btw I am not retarded just move at my own pace). And many of these lessons I am still learning. Anyway here we are life lessons according to Shauntae:

1: No matter how many times I tell spell check to ignore the spelling of my name, it will also say that it is spelled wrong and I will always get annoyed about it.

2: Most teachers just want you to come to class, we all know they have nothing to say, they just want to feel important by having a full classroom. And the more often you come to class, the more favored you are by the teachers.

3: Some stereotypes in life are true. People are favored for being pretty. Case in point: Me. I am charming and pretty and male teachers are nicer to me than they are to the men in my class. This is also true for some of the female teachers.

4: I am not ashamed to use my good looks and charm to get what I want and need. And there is nothing wrong or conceited about knowing you are not ugly (although it may sound like it here) and acting like you are ugly sort of makes you ugly. Or at least annoying to be around. Basically, behaving like you are something less than what you are does not get you anywhere and act that way long enough, soon enough you become less than what you are.

5: Sometimes it is alright to end you sentence in a preposition. Only when speaking or writing in colloquial voice, I learned this in grammar class. I also learned that everything you need to know about grammar, you learned in grade school. And if you didn't learn it in grade school, you will never learn it.

6: I spent a lot of time avoiding doing homework in bed because I read an article saying you should not work in bed and because a lot of other people said it is awful to do homework in bed. So I avoided it until one day I said to myself "Self, let us do homework in bed, no one will know." And so I did and it was the best homework I have ever done. I was finally relaxed and comfortable and quite brilliant actually.

7: And this could be the most important lesson I am still learning: I am an adult now and I know what is best for me. I have found that I only waver and doubt when I heed others advice. And this actually opens a whole can of lessons which may be too deep for a blog post.

8: When I am not getting the results I want, try a different approach. For example: I am not BF's mother but I was acting like. Don't do this, do this, pick up your socks, you'll be happier if you do it this way. . . It was not getting me where I wanted, I was unhappy and neither was he. I though I knew what was best for his life and if he would do that, my life would be easier but it wasn't. So after a few dramatic events and some heartfelt conversations with a close friend, I decided to be his friend and lover and not his mother. It is harder than it sounds and we are happier than ever. I have more peace in my life.

9: And although some may not agree with the choices I have made, I have learned that love and forgiveness are never the wrong choice.

10: And finally, I have learned that some things never change. I have one final paper to turn in before finals. It is due tomorrow and I am supposed to be writing it right now and here I am, blogging.

Expect another long post like this in a year and a half, when I have achieved some B.S. Peace and love.