Here Comes the Bride!!

Aaaaahhhh!!! My wedding dress is here! And it is wonderful, a little long but beautiful. I love it. I can't believe that I am getting married. Weird. Wonderfully weird.

Huh?

Sometimes I catch myself writing/sending texts that make me think "Um, what? I never thought I would say something like that" but then really it's not very surprising. Here are a few of those beauties:

"Ok, but I don't want to dance. I don't want my uterus bouncing around."

"I'm trying to remember, Did I ever kiss Pooben?"

"Um I was wondering if I am the only one that thinks All American Rejects suddenly became really good looking?"

"Sorry I didn't answer, I was listening to my Christian rock and my fave song was on."

Maybe these txts only seem odd to me. But odd they do seem.

Sooo Much to Say

Sometimes I have so much to say and not really know what to say at the same time. First of all, I want to say those pins that say things like "be careful who you open up to or guard your heart and fear everyone you meet because they will hurt you" really bother me. Why? Well because. Why be soo careful with your heart? If it gets broken, so what? What is it going to harm you to have a broken and open heart? God loves broken things and in fact, I believe He breaks us and allows us to be broken so that we move closer to His heart. Secondly, a world that is so afraid to risk anything even the only true thing we have to risk, being our hearts, is a world that is lacking God and a world that I don't want to pass on to my children. I want to live with my heart wide open. I want everyone I meet to know of God's love because they know of my love. I am an ambassador for God and His children will know of His heart by knowing my heart and the good He has done to it and for it.

We are beautifully and wonderfully made. Which brings me to my next subject of thought. The Devil is a mean, mean man. This past week, I have been plagued with feelings of self doubt and feelings that I am ugly and unworthy of anything beautiful. Now I know that I don't feel this way about myself and I know God doesn't feel this way about me so where was this coming from. And then I read something (probably on Pinterest cause let's face it that's where I spend most of my spare time) that said "You don't have to own every thought you have." Light bulb on my head. Plate to my face. Duh, my self loathing was not me and was not God but was in fact the work of the Enemy. And once I gave the responsibility of my negative thoughts to the person it belonged to, I began to feel better. You may not agree, but if you believe that the Enemy is bent on destroying us, then it could reason that he would want to destroy the imagine in our hearts and minds that we are beautifully and wonderfully made. And really, how nice it is (for me) that I can know that yes yesterday the Enemy had a strong hold on my thoughts but he won't always and I know that the Lord will battle for my heart and has battled for my heart. And that the Lord reassures me that I am lovely, and wonderful enough to fight for.

And finally, I am in love. Yes I said it. And so soon after meeting him and also so soon after having my heart broken by the former. I intent to marry this man. And when I tell people that, most are supportive and happy, but there are some that question my timing. The truth is though, and we all know it, time doesn't guarantee anything. I spent a year and half with the former and that obviously didn't guarantee anything. And then I read something, again on Pinterest, that said something like "Don't compare your love story to the movies. Yours was written by God." My love story was written by God. I see His wonderful hand all over it. I am blessed to have met someone who is so willing to share his heart with me. And while it's not official yet, I excited for a life spent with him and with God. Gah! I'm going to start crying now.

Waste Not, Want Not...Or Not

I am quickly learning and firmly believing that nothing is ever wasted. I recently found myself saying something along the lines of 'I don't want to waste my time with something fruitless." And then, in another strange flashback, I was taken back to my geology class and my teacher said "Every drop of water on this Earth will always be on this Earth. It is recycled and reused and pushed under ground and evaporated into the air but it is never wasted." Or something to that affect and it hit me, nothing is wasted. The last year and half with the ex wasn't wasted time, or wasted love, or wasted anything. From that time, I learned and I grew and I became better. I didn't waste love on someone who just took it without a thought of sharing any with me. (Which is how I felt for a long time. Why love him when he isn't giving me any love. Which seems an immature thought but think about it, how many times do you not do something, some random act of love and kindness because you think it won't come back to you or that it will be unappreciated or unnoticed? We all do that.) It (meaning love given out) may not be used in the way that you intended it and you may not even see that love being used and felt, but that doesn't mean the Love isn't being used or felt. Time spent on doing silly things, making mistakes, or just being a dumby is not a waste. It's all part of the journey and what you put out will improve someones life. You may not realize it at the time, but in the end, it will improve your life as well. How freeing is that, to feel and realize that nothing is lost or wasted? For me, it makes following my heart more do able. My brain has a bad habit of saying "Hey that act of joy is wasting our time getting down to business". I think I'm just going to ignore that killjoy of a brain from now on.

Tidings of Comfort and Joy

I love Christmas time. Mostly because I love the music. My favorite Christmas song varies from year to year and this year it's "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen." I think about the lyrics and feel a sense of peace and gratitude. My favorite lines are those concerning our Savior coming to free us from Satan's power and might. I feel free, and I feel alive, and I feel so submersed in God's love that Love is the only thing that seems to flow out of me lately.

I was contemplating the direction my life has taken since leaving my parent's home and venturing on my own and my thought was, what did I ask for from my Father that lead me to the lessons and experiences that I have since experienced? And I remembered of a time when I asked to learn to love like He loves.

I have a long way to go still. But I know that any of the pain that I ever felt and ever will feel is so that I will know how to comfort and love those that feel pain. Just as the joy I have ever and will ever feel is so I know how to celebrate with those who rejoice.

Our experiences aren't so different that we can't understand each other's lives. We aren't meant to pretend that everything is ok. If we are hurting, it's ok to reach out and ask for comfort. We've all experienced pain and loss. It doesn't mean you're weak or crazy for feeling things and for feeling things deeply.

We're never alone. And that is a huge tiding of comfort and joy.

I Must Go, The World is Calling

I have been bitten by the travel bug. I can't help it. The list of places I want to go is getting longer and longer. I feel as though I am coming out of my skin. At the top of my list? The northern lights. Alaska and all of it's cold is calling me. Dear Lord, please open up the path for me to see Your wondrous creations. And do it soon. Please.

How Do I Loathe Thee. . .

Here are just a few things that I despise:

1: People who talk about how bored they are on FB. The older they are, the worse it is. You're bored, really you're like 29, adults can do what they want so really do something about it.

2: Baby growth tracker apps. I dry heave every time I see one of those creepy cartoon fetus things.

3: Sort of related to number 2, women who describe their private parts online. "I'm dilated to a pumpkin and cervix is in a great position." No one wants to hear about your vag, just post a picture when the baby comes out, we don't need a play by play of your lady parts stretching.

4: That stupid commercial with the door bell. Tricks me every time. Ok well twice.