Friday, January 27, 2012

Sooo Much to Say

Sometimes I have so much to say and not really know what to say at the same time. First of all, I want to say those pins that say things like "be careful who you open up to or guard your heart and fear everyone you meet because they will hurt you" really bother me. Why? Well because. Why be soo careful with your heart? If it gets broken, so what? What is it going to harm you to have a broken and open heart? God loves broken things and in fact, I believe He breaks us and allows us to be broken so that we move closer to His heart. Secondly, a world that is so afraid to risk anything even the only true thing we have to risk, being our hearts, is a world that is lacking God and a world that I don't want to pass on to my children. I want to live with my heart wide open. I want everyone I meet to know of God's love because they know of my love. I am an ambassador for God and His children will know of His heart by knowing my heart and the good He has done to it and for it.

We are beautifully and wonderfully made. Which brings me to my next subject of thought. The Devil is a mean, mean man. This past week, I have been plagued with feelings of self doubt and feelings that I am ugly and unworthy of anything beautiful. Now I know that I don't feel this way about myself and I know God doesn't feel this way about me so where was this coming from. And then I read something (probably on Pinterest cause let's face it that's where I spend most of my spare time) that said "You don't have to own every thought you have." Light bulb on my head. Plate to my face. Duh, my self loathing was not me and was not God but was in fact the work of the Enemy. And once I gave the responsibility of my negative thoughts to the person it belonged to, I began to feel better. You may not agree, but if you believe that the Enemy is bent on destroying us, then it could reason that he would want to destroy the imagine in our hearts and minds that we are beautifully and wonderfully made. And really, how nice it is (for me) that I can know that yes yesterday the Enemy had a strong hold on my thoughts but he won't always and I know that the Lord will battle for my heart and has battled for my heart. And that the Lord reassures me that I am lovely, and wonderful enough to fight for.

And finally, I am in love. Yes I said it. And so soon after meeting him and also so soon after having my heart broken by the former. I intent to marry this man. And when I tell people that, most are supportive and happy, but there are some that question my timing. The truth is though, and we all know it, time doesn't guarantee anything. I spent a year and half with the former and that obviously didn't guarantee anything. And then I read something, again on Pinterest, that said something like "Don't compare your love story to the movies. Yours was written by God." My love story was written by God. I see His wonderful hand all over it. I am blessed to have met someone who is so willing to share his heart with me. And while it's not official yet, I excited for a life spent with him and with God. Gah! I'm going to start crying now.