Sunday, January 30, 2011

Strange Territory

This will be the first Valentine's Day that I will have a real boyfriend. Well a few years ago I had a BF on Valentine's day but we didn't do anything. He "fell asleep" really early. But anyway Stephen actually wants to spend the day with me and exchange gifts and the whole deal. But this is unfamiliar territory for me. I have no idea what do get him or do or anything. It's Christmas all over again, except worse cause this time I looked at the website "perfect gifts for nice Jewish boys" for ideas. He is not Jewish. Why can't he eat sweets? I would get him the cheesecake of the month club. Or maybe I should get him the follow your heart compass. You don't think he would be interested in a personalized yamaka, do you?

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Ulterior Motives?

So I have a pretty purple netbook. I have had it for a year. After a year of trying to use microsoft office stufffs (such as word, excel, and power point) I finally ran out of free uses. Last year, when I had a paper that was too big to be written on word pad, I would go to the library to write. But this year, more specifically this day, I did not wish to go to the library to write my five page paper that needs to be written. So I finally purchased and downloaded "Microsoft Office Home and Student 2010." It cost me $150. And it has so far taken 1 hour to download and still counting. I was then hit with the realization that I may have subconsciously known that it would take so long and that my deciding to take the hour or more to download it so I wouldn't have to drive the 10 minutes to the college is me actually procrastinating my paper. I actually didn't know it would take so long but maybe my subconscious did and that my subconscious is telling me to procrastinate for some reason like at the right moment that I was going to go to the college, a driver was going to run a red light and I would have been killed in a car accident. Or maybe minute I walked into the library some student was going to be so frustrated with his work that he decided to go on a pepper spray rampage. OR maybe I would have been so miserable at the college that I would have sucked really bad at writing my paper and I would have gotten a bad grade. So I wish to thank my subconscious for saving my life, my eyes, and my GPA. Also I have only 1 week of raw dieting left. I am counting down the days to frozen yogurt. 49 minutes left till download is complete.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Fancy Pants

My loving and sweet boyfriend is so sweet and loving. Before Christmas, he bought me some jeans. Really nice jeans, Calvin Klein jeans. When he gave them to me, I was so excited and happy. Then I put them on "Um babe you got them too big. You know my pants size why did you get them big?" He walks over to me and rips the tags off (to prohibit me from taking them back) and then says "I just wanted you to have nice comfy jeans that aren't so tight. And check out the pockets. Deep huh? Those are man pockets." So I have nice jeans that are too big, but they are comfy so I still wear them. Since Christmas I have lost at least 10 pounds, making the pants even more too big for me. The boyfriend has taken to calling them my "memaw" pants. That is what he calls his grandma, memaw. And since I have lost the extra weight, he likes to say things to me like "look at you sportin the sag." Or when we are out and about and he is trying to get my attention he will call out things like "hey saggy britches" or "yo droopy drawers". It is somewhat adorable with his southern accent but I am still beginning to suspect him of purposefully getting me such big pants just so he can mock me for them.

On an related note, recently I have heard three different commercials use the word "gooder," as an English major I am outraged.

Friday, January 21, 2011

I think this is what we call being high maintenance

I love the BF. I really, really do. He dotes on me like no one ever has before. If I ever hint at maybe not feeling well, he does everything he can to get me to bed with lots of water near by. One time, my contacts were bothering my eyes and all day long he was petting my hair, getting me eye drops, and anything else I asked. And then on New Years Eve, we were at dinner with some friends and I hadn't been feeling well all day long. Then I took one bite of my food and with it half chewed I gave him the look, the omg I am going to barf tell me what to do look, he immediately sent me to the restroom, where I preceded to ralf. And afterward, we went home as soon as possible. Well today I woke up with a sinus infection and an infection in my eye. We are talking boogers coming out of every part of my face possible, yes even out of my eyes. And the BF is giving me no sympathy. None. I gently reminded him about the time my eye was barely bothering me and he doted on me for days and that my eye is in much worse condition now than it was then. Still nothing, I am hoping that as soon as we get home he will start the doting. Cause what is the point of not feeling well if you are going to be spoiled?

Thursday, January 13, 2011

My Hero

So this semester I have a night class, my first night class ever. And recently this conversation took place:

Me: Are you worried about me walking across campus after dark?

BF: Hmm now that you mention it, yes.

Me: Really?

BF: We're going to need to get you some sharp pencils.

Me: I prefer writing with pens

BF: Not for writing, you have to keep them sharp so you can stab people with them

Me: I am going to protect myself with sharp pencils?

BF: I once saw a man stab a man with a regular old spoon

Me: No you didn't

BF: yes I did, it was on a movie

Me: well should I carry spoons with me?

BF: No this is what we are going to do, you are not going to eat dinner. That ought to be enough to scare anyone off. And we'll send pencils just in case.

Me: Good plan. Thank you for keeping me safe

BF: It's what I do babe, I love you

My revised school supply list:

pencils (for writing)
pencils (for stabbing)
spoons (for eating with)
spoons (for stabbing with)
jar of peanut butter

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Round 2?!?!

Ding Ding! Here we go for another round of mad woman Shauntae. I was doing so well but this morning I went to the BF's to make a fruit shake for breakfast as I have been doing for 2 weeks. Well this morning, I entered the house and he jumped out from behind the door and scared me. After I screamed I began to cry and he began to laugh. He then told me to go make my shake so we could leave. This is somewhat close to what my crying rant was minus the wizard swears: I don't want a shake! I am so tired of shakes! I want some bleep bleep bleep potatoes and bleep bleep ketchup bleep bleep banana bleep bleep I don't even like bleep banana's and that's the only thing I can eat. Bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep.

Then I ran to his room and hid under the covers while he still laughed at me and brought me a banana to eat. I don't even care about the 6 pounds I have lost, I want some toast smothered with butter. The only comfort I have is that since the beginning of this diet, my hands and feet have been as cold as ice and every chance I get, I put my ice cold hands up his shirt, around his neck and whenever I see his butt crack, the ice hands attack. It's about finding joy in the simple pleasures right?

Friday, January 7, 2011

I have exactly 1 flaw

My one flaw is that, at times I am very impatient. Mostly when it comes to travelling and the coming and going to places. When I am ready to leave, I expect everyone else to be as well. And if they aren't I start whispering threats to people or no one in particular. For example, when I was a nanny and we went on trips to Hawaii, I was always the first one ready. And when I was ready, I was anxious. So when loading up to leave and the kids were dragging their feet, I would whisper things to them like "listen you little shit, you get your butt in the car or I am going to drown you in the ocean" or "hey you punk, I am going to catch a jelly fish and make it sting you." The threats were never as effective as I had hoped. This weekend, the BF and I are going skiing and I am more than a little excited as I have never been before. Well I have been ready since I woke up but he had to work and I am not so patiently waiting for him to be finished. I even threatened to drown him in the pool if he doesn't get off work early. He told me to eat a banana and then handed me a banana. The food didn't help my impatience and I am just going to explode if I don't get to put on my new ski clothes soon.

Just call my Auntie Tae Tae

I am officially an auntie!! It seems like just last year I was on a family vacation wrecking cars and trying to help my sister trick everyone into thinking she was car sick and not sick with a small sea monkey growing inside her. And now finally that sea monkey is a full blown babe with fat cheeks. I have only seen pictures thus far but she is completely adorable and I love her already. Congrats to my sister, her fiancée and my parents for becoming grandparents. Hooray for babies even if they do get here through C- section ;)!!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Here's to Finding a Good Man

Last night I had a dream about one of my past boyfriends. I was trying to convince him to do something like run away with me or something like that and he said this "my mother would be so mad." And that is when I woke up. Once awake, I realized that BF is the only one of my boyfriends that doesn't live with or near his mother. No really listen to this:

Boyfriend 1: lived with his mother

Boyfriend 2: lived with his grandmother

Boyfriend 3: lived within 20 minutes of his mother

Boyfriend 4: lived with his mother

Boyfriend 5: lived right next to his mother

Boyfriend 6: lived within 10 minutes of his mother

Current boyfriend lives 3000 miles away from his mother. Seriously how did it take me so long to find a man that finally grew up and left his mother? Moms are great but really there comes a time when a boy needs to grow up and non of these mothers seemed to be encouraging the grow up and be a man. Or maybe it was my fault doing the whole nanny thing maybe just by default men with mommy attachment issues were just naturally attracted to me. I am not sure but really mom's the more you treat your son like a baby girl the more they will grow up to be a baby girl. If I had a quarter for every man I made cry by saying to them "Why don't you grow some balls and stand up for yourself" I would have no less than a dollar. A 4 men may not seem like a lot but it's 4 too many men.

One time I saw take place at the park a woman yelling and berating her husband for letting their four year old son fall less than 10 inches to the ground. First of all the child wasn't even hurt and secondly, there is nothing wrong with letting the kid cry. Don't even get me started on the way the woman was treating her husband. I was humiliated with him. I was like hey lady maybe if you treated your man like a man he would act like a man. The problem with this world is that men are acting like women and women are acting like men and no one likes a woman who acts manly at least I don't anyway.

Anyway the gist of my rant that doesn't make sense is that I am so glad that I finally have a man that isn't afraid to make a decision and isn't afraid to chase me and who isn't afraid to let me know when I do something he doesn't like. Stephen takes care of me, he makes me feel pretty and perfect, he is a real man and I love him.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The Pain was Short lived

You know all of the pain that I was experiencing yesterday from my raw diet? Well today it is totally (well almost) totally gone. I am happy as a clam and I have a bunch of energy. AND my skin looks fantastic. Not to mention that my pants that fit just right last week are already bagging in the front. I feel good. And I think BF might make it out alive.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Save Me from Myself

Some one save me from this self induced hell. What in the world made me think I could do a raw diet? I don't even like many vegetables and the ones that I do like, I enjoy best cooked not raw. I have been at this for exactly 30 hours. That's right, not even a full 2 days and I have already had several melt downs including full blown tears for at least 10 minutes, and I have thrown up 3 times, and the BF has been yelled at for probably a total of 2 hours. I feel bad for him. I am sticking with it for now, cause I hear it is supposed to get better. And the theory is that the stomach ache and headache and mood swings are basically me going through withdrawals like I am a drug addict. This better get better or one of us (probably the BF) won't make it out of this 30 days alive. I'm going to go cry now.