Thursday, December 30, 2010

Is that a new toothbrush in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

The BF does many strange things. Like he buys us new toothbrushes EVERY TIME we go to the store. This means that some weeks, I get a new toothbrush every other day. No joke. He is so strange about toothbrushes. But not as strange as he is about other things. For example:

BF: "Babe, come take some garlic to kill your worms."

Me: "But I don't have worms."

BF: We all have worms. And besides it is cold and flu season, garlic is natures antibiotic. Come take some. I saw you eat those gummy life savers now you have to take garlic.

Me: *under my breath* damn it I was so sneaky about those life savers.

BF: No you weren't.

Me: How did you hear that?!

Damn he is good. And not that I had many friends before but some day the smell of garlic will ooze from my being and I will be left with even fewer friends. I think this is his plan to make me as antisocial as he is. Again, damn he's good.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Captain Save a Ho

This conversation recently took place between the BF and myself while driving to my house. There are several routes to my house one is through residential area and the other is through non residential. BF hates when I drive through the residential area. Why you may ask? Because and I quote "It's dangerous going through residential. I hate it when you go this way. What about domestic disputes? And we see one and i have to hop out and help because I have tennis shoes on and I'm Captain- Save- a- Ho. I can't deal with that, my cape is at the cleaners." So now I have to go the long way around when he is with me.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Disney Misled Me

You know that song from Cinderella? At the ball when she is dancing with the Prince and there is humming and singing. "So this is love, so this is love, this is the miracle that I've been dreaming of" That song? It's lovely isn't it? Beautiful, classic, every girls daydream of love.

Well it is completely wrong. No Cinderella, that is not love. As I have discovered, love is your man not getting mad at you when you said you were going to do something but fell asleep instead. Love is not strangling your man when he hides your stuff. Love is laughing at him when he jumps out of the bushes at 10 at night to scare you. Sometimes it is a waltz but the BF and I have been dating for close to 6 months now and the waltzing part is over. It is now to the point where I want to strangle and kiss him at the same time. Hmmm so this is love? This is the miracle that I've been dreaming of? Actually it is, it's nice to have a best friend BF. A BF that let's me hang upside down when I feel like it and just says "Babe, you have an unusually high amount of personality." I happily want to strangle him. I'm so lucky.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Little Annoyances

There are some little annoyances in my life right now. One is the fact that the fuel pump on my car went out yesterday afternoon and it will cost me 500 dollars to replace it. That is one big annoyance. And another is that I can't seem to wear deodorant ever.
Like yesterday we (BF and I) were at the store in the deodorant aisle. After looking and smelling almost every brand, BF said they all have that aluminum in it and I worry about that for you. To which I reply, yes I know but the all natural stuff doesn't really seem to work for me. And BF says, while walking away from the deodorant aisle, "It's ok babe, I'll just encourage you to shower more." So I stink because my BF is picky about deodorant. Annoying.

Monday, December 13, 2010


Me to BF: Stephen, I have a confession to make. I'm not really a dog person. Well I am not really an animal person. Like at all. I don't think they should be mistreated at all and those ASPCA commercials totally break my heart but when they touch me with their wet noses I get so grossed out and annoyed and then they have all that hair fur that is disgusting and they lick their butts.

BF: So the other day when I let the dog lay on us while we watched a movie you were not happy about that.

Me: Not at all. In fact I was like when I can I shower and wash this dog hair off.

BF: I have a confession to make

Me: Yes

BF: I have already picked up on your dislike of animals, and that is why I insist that the dog lay by us while we watch movies

Me: I hate you

BF: No you don't

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

A Man and his Shoelaces

I have had this theory for a long time. Since the time I had my first college boyfriend which was almost six years ago. As of late the theory has been in my head a lot lately as I am noticing shoelaces. My theory is this: You can tell what type of man a man is by how tight he ties his shoes.

Let me explain:

Type 1: This is the type that annoys me a lot and I have been noticing a lot more of these lately. It is the man who ties his shoelaces so tight that the front of his shoes start to turn up and look like elf shoes. You know what I mean? The two sides of the shoes are basically touching each other even at the toe and the tongue is nowhere to be seen. And he has so much extra lace that his shoes look untied because the bunny ears are so so long. What this says to me is that this man is uptight and no fun. He can't be any fun cause his feet are in pain from his shoes being on so tight. Also this man, like his shoelaces, is about to snap. The uptight shoelace guy is repressing something, usually his manhood, and is going to snap one day. I knew a guy you did this to his shoes, in fact I dated him off and on for a few years, and he was the guy that was walked all over and pretended to be happy all the time, and was in fact a bigger girl than I was and I knew he was repressing things, hence the shoelaces. And everyman I see with the tight shoelaces reminds me of him and it's not just the shoelaces. BF often comments on how "broken" men look around here, and I see the tight shoelaces and I see a broken man.

Type 2: The cockster. The one whose shoes are high end and sparkling clean but he acts like he doesn't care about them cause the laces are either gone or flopping everywhere. Let's face it, he is too cool for school or at least he thinks so, and he is arrogant, flaunting like a peacock. Yes I have dated a few of these as well and basically they were also bigger girls than I was, so concerned with every detail and trying to look unconcerned. At least they try to pretend they're still men though, and tough guys at that. But let's face it, one quick jab about their lack of tan, and they run crying (true story, I made a man cry with a jab about his white legs).

Type 3: The slip ons. I like a man who wears slip ons, (crocs don't count in this category, men don't wear crocs, boys wear crocs) slips on say to me, I don't care about shoelaces, I want ease and comfort and that is what all men want. They just want to sit in their chair with beer and pretzels and their nothing box wide open in front of them. The slip on man says I can't be bothered with trivial things like shoelaces I have bigger things to do, like be a man.

These are just a few of my theories on shoelaces, I have a few more types but the first one took me so long to write that I am out of time and must go work now. But I am glad to finally get some of it off my chest. I would like to say that I only have 8 more class periods before school is over!!!!