Wednesday, February 24, 2010

My Life: The Musical

No one takes me seriously and I can't say I blame them. Especially when I do things like this:
It's a cloudy and cold February morning. We find the subject of our story sitting at a computer downstairs in the Dixie State College library. This happens to be her favorite place on campus, it's warm, secluded atmosphere and the quiet hum from the computers make her feel safe and comfortable. She has her earphones plugged in her ears and is listening to her favorite Panodra radio station that is playing Michael Buble'. She finishes her work and is preparing to go to class. She logs off her computer, takes out the earphones and looks up. This is when she notices on lookers that are grinning and giggling. Her first thought is "oh my butt crack must be hanging out again." Then another, more horrifying thought crosses her mind. "I was singing out loud, wasn't I?" she asked the ten or more giggling on lookers. They nod and some even burst into full out laughing. She bursts into giggles herself and walks to class with this thought lingering in her head "I swear this stuff only happens in movies or on bad tv sitcoms."

Am I the girl in this story? The one that was singing out loud in the library? Yes. Yes that was me. If I had any shame at all this probably would have embarrassed me. But I hold on to the hope that I at least sounded sort of good.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Holy Smokes

My brother gets home in 3 weeks!! I can not believe how fast time flies and I am very excited to have him back home. Also I am watching Where the Red Fern grows and crying like a baby. This movie makes me miss my childhood and my puppy.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I Choose Honey

You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. This is true. Last time we learned that when I get mad and argue with the teachers of CIS 1200 I get dirty looks and still have to fix the assignment. Today I decided to take a different approach. I went up to the counter and said "Excuse me do you have a minute?" And of course they did. "I just wanted to ask you about these assignments. As you can see I did this here and just forgot to do it there. Also here. And these pages were just out of order. So I obviously know how to do it. I was wondering if I could just move on and not reprint these?" "Oh yes of course. we just want to make sure you know how to do these things." And I did not have to redo any of the assignments. To clear up questions for my cousin Stacee, yes it is required here at DSC to take this class to earn your associates or I would drop it and never look back.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Not Again

The other night, I did my computer literacy stuff and no problem. I didn't even cry, I tried to have a good attitude about it and it was fine. Well I get to the computer center today and what do I see in my folder? A stack of assignments that I have to redo. Why you ask? Oh because it was missing a bullet here, it was the wrong font there, I left out a colon over there. I swear I was going to burst on the spot. And I did, I turned to my friend next to me and said this class is an ******* joke. He laughed and said I know and I'm sorry. I then looked through more of the papers and it said "Please ask for help". That is when I started ripping up the papers. Obviously i know how to change a font, or put in a bullet, or make a hanging indent!! The font is different from the rest of the font is it not? That paragraph is indented is it not?! This is not a class on do you know how to use a computer, this is a class on do you care to waste your time reading every tiny instruction and follow along. NO I DO NOT care to read every tiny instruction to follow along and make this ephing paper all that you say it has to be. I obviously know how to use word, I have been doing it since grade school and I could teach a class on this shit. And do not patronize me and tell me to ask for help. What I need help with is shoving this class up the college's backside. I'm on the very edge of a verge of a breakdown.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Things I've Learned

I have recently learned a few things about myself and about life. I have learned these things from many different people. I have learned from some people in my life that just because you love someone that does not mean that you can't be frustrated and talk crap on them in lots of moments of weakness. And its fine cause you love them and they love you and they are probably doing the same thing. I have learned that I enjoy long bike rides on my bike that is not meant for traveling long distances. I have learned that these long bike rides are a great way to blow off some steam and clear my thoughts. I have also learned that these bike rides will leave bruises on my bum. That just because you have a sudden craving for peanut butter cookies, sometimes it is better to ignore it and save yourself the time and energy spent on making them and the calories eating them. Recently I have discovered just how passionate I can be about child birth and breastfeeding. Also I have learned that life throws you curve balls that you didn't see coming and you don't have to be mad or upset about your black eye, you just have to spend the time and energy to make those peanut butter cookies so you can feel better.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

So this is Amore'

It is warm and sunny outside, the doors and windows are open. I have my favorite radio station on. The voice of Dean Martin begins singing That's amore' and Alex (the 5 yr old) asks if we can dance. As we are dancing and spinning around, the 'this could not get any better' feeling fills my body. The song ends and Alex says "Shauntae, that was awesome. But also I think I got a wedgie." It just got better. I think again this could not get any better. I now find myself sitting on the grass eating spaghetti. It just got better.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Ridiculousness of Me

Hello. My name is Shauntae and I am an addict. My drug of choice is Nutella. Yes Nutella. It hazelnutty goodness has me acting crazy. I was on my way to do homework and had a craving. I found myself in the walmart parking lot looking for my purse. I couldn't find it so I then found myself digging through my car for change. I found $3.50. Turned out to be the perfect amount for the jar of Nutella I walked in to purchase. After having a spoonful, I suddenly felt calm and started going through what I had done to get this Nutella high. I thought this must be what its like to be really addicted to something. Sickening thought, but I have thoroughly enjoyed having this jar of Nutella to snack on whilst I do homework. Well blog but as soon as I'm done I am going to do homework. Well after another spoonful of Nutella.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Mixed Feelings

It is Monday. Usually on Mondays I know I am going to have a reason to be in an awful mood simply because it's Monday. Today however I am struggling to know what to feel. This morning I have written a 5 page paper, enjoyed a twix, and the sight of an Asian with a mullet. All very good things but also this morning, my cold has hit my chest and has brought on fits of painful coughing and cold induced asthma, I have written a 5 page paper, and well it's Monday. What to do? What to do? Choose to be happy and laugh at my day,or use the opportunity of this sickness to wallow in self pity? Damn I hate making decisions.

Thursday, February 4, 2010


With my mother:

Hi mom

Hi Tae

I just want you to know i'm sick again and its cause you formula fed me

It has nothing to do with the copious amounts of sugar you eat on a regular basis?

Don't try to pass the blame

Oh eat rocks

You might as well have fed me rocks as a baby

You're so dramatic

Probably cause I was bottle fed

I love you, goodbye

Ok love you too, bye

With Alex:

Shauntae you need to get a boyfriend


So you can bring him to my birthday

Why do you want that?

Cause your boyfriends are more fun than you

With myself:

Shauntae you need to do homework


Because you need to get good grades so people will continue to give you money for your schooling

What happened with the single mom idea?

Your parents would kill you

More people than just my parents would kill me

Yeah exactly

But I wouldn't have to do homework if I got killed

Good point, let's go with that plan

Who's going to kill us?

Uhh. . . Damn it! Foiled again!

With myself again:

I think your hips are getting bigger

I know

You need to hurry and get married before they get any worse

Shut up

Also I think I have a shopping problem. Today I bought a thing of salt cause it was 40 cents. And I was thinking about what I could do with it. The first thing that came to mind was ward off witches. I wish I was joking about this but I'm not, it really happened. Blame my mom, she fed me formula as a baby.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

February IS my LOVE

I really do love February. The reasons I love it today are it's wednesday, the week is half over! Woot Woot!! Also I witnessed this while killing time, waiting for class to start. The second photo is what I saw first, this kid rides into the building on his scooter, waffle iron in hand, plugs it in and rides back out. Then his friends show up, bring camp chairs and start making waffles in the business building! I loved it, it smelled so good and I was ashamed at my sudden attack of shyness. I wanted one so badly and I wanted to be their friend but I was overcome with the need to hide in the corner and sneak pictures of them while my stomach growled.

And also I used my expert skills in procrastinating to watch the Bachelor instead of do homework. I love my life and the lack of motivation I have to do anything productive with it.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I Wonder

I am currently sitting in the library at the college. I am taking up 3 of the big, soft, and still incredibly uncomfortable chairs. I wonder if it bothers anyone that I am not wearing shoes. I wonder if it bothers the people trying to study that I was playing music on my computer and thought that my headphones were plugged in but actually they were only half way plugged in and the music was actually playing out loud for all to hear. I wonder why it took me at least 3 songs to figure out why my headphones sounded weird. I wonder why I am sitting at the library pretending to do work but really I am just playing around on the internets. I wonder why I even bother to try to do anything after 8 pm. Also I wonder if I could find someone to take me to see Tony Bennett in Vegas this month.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Monday Monday Monday

Let's bow our heads and give thanks that January is over. Hooray for that, except some of January's awfulness has crept into my February of love. Let me explain. My first moments of February were joyful, happy, and full of love, I even wore my favorite red shirt. On the way to school, I saw a lady crossing the street, doing arm pit farts to the cars as she passed. This made me laugh, a lot, maybe because I was not one of the cars she arm pit farted. Then while at school, I had lots of nice day dreams about summer and swimsuits and beaches. I then enjoyed a nice walk in beautiful weather across campus to the computer center where I was to quickly take a test and be finished with a section in that class. That is when remnants of January found their awful ugly way into my beautiful February. I retrieved my folder for the class, preparing to take my test and I notice that I am not cleared for testing. I approach the counter where the teachers are and ask "May I take the test?" To which, they look at my folder and reply "No you need to fix an assignment." "I am not graded on these assignments and even if I don't re-do this one assignment, I should still be able to take the test because I have all the others, so says this guideline. And I would rather just take the test than waste the time re-doing this assignment that I am not graded on anyway." "Well we can't approve you to test until all of these are cleared." I then ask "Well what exactly is wrong with the assignment?" This is honestly the answer that I got " Your slashes are going to the wrong way." Naturally I burst into fits of laughter because surely they must be joking. I think this is when it really started to go down hill. I look her in the eyes and say "You're joking right? You are not seriously preventing me from taking the test because my slashes are leaning to the right instead of the left?" "Well the assignment is wrong and needs to be corrected." "I am not going to waste the time re-doing this because my slashes are the wrong way." "I can't approve you for testing until it is corrected and resubmitted." We then had a short staring slash glaring contest. I walked away, flipping her off with my eyes, corrected the assignment and turned it back in. "Oh great are you ready to take the test now?" "No actually, I am fuming and I'm going to come back later when you are not here." I left the computer center and took the same walk that was so beautiful before only this time, I walked it in tears of frustration. Trust me I looked really sane walking across campus bawling and cussing, not quietly either. My once pleasant day dreams turned into snowy, cold, January day dreams of death and destruction of the computer center by toilet papering and spray paint. And not even pretty glittery spray paint, but ugly black and poopy brown spray paint. 20 minutes of crying, another 20 minutes of fuming and cussing and slamming things around, and 1 piece of cake later, I am feeling the love of February again. On a positive note, I have decided that it has been more than a year since the demise of my last relationship and I am ready for a new BF. I haven't decided on who it will be yet but I'm leaning towards Channing Tatum, or Jude Law.