Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I Should Have Known

My version of "If you give a pig a pancake. . .", it's just a little different.

I should have known that if I put an open bag of chocolate chips in my purse, I would forget about them.

I should have known if I forget about them, they will spill.

I should have known that if I find a bag of spilled chocolate chips in my purse, I'm gonna have to clean them up.

I should have known that once I cleaned them up, I was gonna want to bake something with them.

I should have known that I was gonna want to skip class to bake them into something, something like brownies.

I should have known that once I bake them into brownies,I was going to eat a lot of those brownies.

I should have known that I would get a stomach ache from the brownies I baked with the chocolate chips in my purse that spilled from the open bag.

Oh well, they tasted delicious!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Alexander the Awesomely Funny 6 yr old

Just a few Alex stories for you all to enjoy. He seriously is the funniest 6 year old I have ever met.
Last week, I think it was Thursday or something, he came out of the bathroom. He looked at me and said with an exaggerated sigh of tired relief "Well I feel like I just pooped out seashells"
Hahahahaha I bust up just reliving this in my mind. What am I even supposed to say to that? And then he just walked away. Hahahaha
This weekend, we moved into the new house and the fridge was empty. He looked inside the fridge, closed it, and said "Ugh it's like a food ghost town in here!"
I laughed, a lot, and said there is food in the pantry.
He replied by looking in the pantry and with a sigh of relief said "Oh good, I was worried about us having dinner or not" and walked away.
It was like 10 in the morning and he was worried about dinner.

Seriously the strangest child I know but note that none of these are penis stories, I think he may be growing out of his penis obsession. Knock on wood. Hahahaha pun intended!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Let's Be Honest Here

Facebook. Sweet sweet FB. I love facebook. I really love facebook. There are times, however, when I don't love my friends on facebook. So to avoid unnecessary communicating with said friends, I leave my chat status as "offline". We have all done this. We a do this, especially when you are trying to avoid a certain someone. You know what I mean. Well what about when you are the person being avoided? Here is the hypothetical situation. You get online, everyday. You never start chats with people, they are mostly initiated by the other party. And then one day you get online to find that the other party is online and then 2 seconds later they are offline. This happens for about two days consecutively. You start to feel as though this other person is avoiding you and you think "What the hell?!! I'm usually avoiding you! You can't avoid me! And what did I do anyway?" And this continues to continue for a few more days till it becomes funny. It turns into a sort of game like let's- see- how -many -chats -you --can -miss- out- on -with -other- people -just -cause -I'm -online -and -you're- trying -to -avoid- me. This can be a fun game for a while but soon, the need to protect yourself from being THAT person who is literally on FB all day arises and you simply can't play anymore. This is when you get really annoyed and you're like "OMG you are so stupid! Let's look at the facts shall we?! 9 out of the 10 conversations are started by YOU! What makes you think that I'm gonna start any now?! Don't be an idiot!" Have you ever been there? I have and I am right now and I think it is sooooo funny! But also I think I may have a problem.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Love (or something like it) Is in the Air

It may be the Frank Sinatra music. Or maybe it's the warm weather. It could be that it's tax day and I'm getting a large return. It might have something to with the fact that it's Thursday and I never get dressed until 2 on Thursdays. Or maybe it's the fact that I have eaten nothing but chocolate today. Or it could be a combination of all these things that has me being a hopeless romantic today. The pollen or the sunshine has caused me to propose marriage to 3 different people today. Not all males either! I am day dreaming about Paris in the springtime and flowers and walking past bubbling creeks holding the hand of some handsome gentleman obviously wearing the prettiest dress ever. And my marriage proposals, all 3 of them, being rejected has put me in this nobody loves me but I love everyone kind of funk mood. Whatever it is, I can't tell if I like it or not. I feel weird. I should probably eat something.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Ok More Me Letters

Dear Me,
I know you hate pants but should you really console yourself with ice cream cones? Yes I should here is my logic: I eat lots of ice cream. I am lactose intolerant. In a few hours I won't even be able to wear pants because of the severe bloating and intestinal cramping. Hahahahahha I am brilliant!

Dear Idea that I should always wear tank tops,
You realize that most of the tank tops you have are colorful "wife beaters" right? And when you wear these shirts, you turn into that epitome of the female "tool". Lifting your backpack, flexing when you point to things like your car, checking your arms out as you walk, giving other people wearing wife beaters the head nod of unspoken friendship, telling everyone you see too "make me a sandwich!". You are a female tool, change your shirt, but before you do, make me a sandwich.

Huh I had more letters but I can't remember them suddenly. Oh well, I need a sandwich.

Me Letters: Letters to Me

I love writing letters. You all know this. Well I have a few letters I need to write to myself and my ideas.

Dear Me and the Idea I had to be a vegetarian till my birthday,

What were you thinking? Remember that time in high school when we tried to be a vegetarian? Yeah it didn't work then either. So far, since the last 3 days of us trying to be a vegetarian, you have accidentally eaten meat 2 times a day, without even thinking about it.

Just be quiet and eat a burger already.

I have more to write but I suddenly decided I want a nap, so I'm gonna get back with you later.

Monday, April 12, 2010

How Long has THAT been There?!

I usually hate cleaning out the fridge. And when I say usually, I mean I still do but this time some very funny things happened. The children and I invented a new game. It's called "What did this terd looking thing used to be?" It is a very fun game. Round 1: Me: Well what do you think? Trevor: A monsters big toe! Alex: Dinosaur poop!! Kenna: Ugh what is that smell?!! Me: The correct answer is an avocado.
Round 2: Me: Any takers? Alex: Umm a penis!! Me: Well of course you would say that. Trevor: A french fry that has been dipped in death. Twice! Kenna: I'm gonna go lay down. Me: The correct answer . . . a cucumber. Alex: Oh so I was the closest. Me: Hahahahahhahaha why do you get this stuff?!
Round 3: Me: Ewww. Trevor: Um is cauliflower supposed to smell like that? Me: I don't think so. Alex: Who left the bathroom door open again?!?! Trevor: Ha no one it's the cauliflower!! And then they all ran around and I was left dry heaving over the sink.
What a fun game.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Death Comes in a Pretty Shade of Red

This post may fall into the TMI category for some, so proceed with caution. Lately my body has been suffering from some ailments. This certain ailment is usually helped with the application of cranberry juice to one's diet. Not the sugary fruit cocktail cranberry juice, just straight cranberry juice. I finally remembered to get some cranberry juice. I hate cranberry juice. Why? Look at it. It's such a pretty color, it's that perfect color of dark red that you wish you could pull off wearing on your lips. It's looks like Paris in the spring time. It reminds you of that episode of I love Lucy when she is stomping on the grapes and it's so funny. The color of cranberry juice holds all the romantic daydreams you've ever had, it even smells so sweet and delicious. You pour yourself a glass, expecting it to be a sweet kiss of summer. A cool refreshing treat. It slips right on to your tongue and your eyes bulge out of your head. Your mouth twists and turns into a bitter revolt. It's sour bitterness burns your throat going down. And you're left in utter shock and disappointment. You feel slightly put out, as if the cranberry juice broke a promise and dashed all of your childhood dreams. You recover and think what just happened. You step away to gather yourself, come back a few minutes later, and are tricked again by that delicious beautiful color of red. You take another swig. And again you're left utterly disappointed. Cranberry juice is the ultimate "punker". It punks you time and time again and you fall for it every time.
Maybe that's just me though cause I REALLY hate sour. Which is why I have been having a staring contest with the glass of cranberry juice in front of me for like an hour. Anyway I hate my bladder and UTI's and cranberry juice.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Tickle Me I don't know Who I am

This morning I finally turned in my 12 page long research paper. In retrospect, it doesn't seem like such a monumental task but my teacher has a gift for taking one thing and dragging it out for weeks and weeks. We have been working on this paper in class since three weeks after the semester began. Now that it is turned in, I sort of feel like this: Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose? What was my life before this paper? You know the feeling. I had a list of things I wanted to do when I got finished with this paper. What was it? There were books I wanted to read, movies to see, people to make fun of, I can't remember. What are my goals in life? I am in slight panic mode. If I get this bad of amnesia after a 12 page paper how am I supposed to be able to write books? I may need to reconsider my career path. On a different note, there are a few things that have tickled me pink lately. They include things that I can't remember now cause my brain has died.
Oh man I seriously can't remember. I had a list going in my head and it's all gone now. Crapsicle. Anyway I feel like celebrating I think I'll go for a jog with my kite.

Oh that's one thing Night Kite Flying. Mr Dillinger introduced me to it and it was fun even though there was no wind to actually fly the kite. It's a great concept.

This line keeps running through my head. It's from Princess and the Frog. "Travis when a woman says later she really means not ever" and this "I'm sure there are plenty of young phillies round here waitin for you to waltz them into a stupor" and finally "give my those napkins I swear I'm sweatin like a sinner in church!" I love that movie.

Also clash of the titans was awesome.

And I will try to think of the rest.