Don't Judge Me

Because Halloween is a week away, I would like to share with you all a scary story involving yours truly. Yesterday, my beau said to me "Baby when was the last time you showered?" I replied with a shrug of the shoulders and "I'm not going to shower until after Zumba tonight." And he gave a look that said, rather pleaded, with me to make sure that I do. Well I didn't. Today I took him some breakfast and he informed me that I "look like an old banana peel in the dirt" (he says this often and I usually respond with hearty chuckle, a good nipple twist, and a half hearted threat of decapitation) and today was no different. And then I went home, did some cleaning and decided today was the day to shower. What I saw in the shower was horrifying to say the least. *And I hesitate to tell you this next part because of how bad it was and knowing me and how I lack the ability to feel shame and embarrassment about anything my hesitation should be a clue as to how bad it was* I took the bar of soap to my armpit, like I normally do, and was stopped short when I saw what I thought were bugs in my armpits. I shook with fear and almost threw up, then I realized that it was black lint from a new black shirt that I wore yesterday. That is when I started laugh crying a little bit. It scared me and my heart was beating, but you should all be pleased to hear that I am now a fresh ripe banana peel and boyfriend will hug me again.

Which brings me to the conversation I just had with my beau. It went like this: Me: I skipped class today.

BF: Why?! You know I encourage to go to class. It makes me very upset when you skip class.
Me: No it doesn't. Besides you didn't even ask why i skipped.
BF: Why did you skip?
Me: So I could shower.
BF: Thank you for skipping. Are you saying it's safe to hug you now?
Me: Yes, you can take off your hazardous material suit.

And this brings me to yet another topic. Recently I saw on the cover of a magazine called Cosmopolitan, Cosmo for short, a topic titled Sh*t My Boyfriend Says. I then purchased the magazine and read the article. It is all about dumb things boyfriends say and it was dumb but I decided to start a series of things my boyfriend says. My boyfriend is actually very smart and let's face it, I am the one who says dumb things (like last night he said "Oh listen to the thunder" and I said "I don't think it's thunder, I think your neighbors are moving their garbage can." And ten minutes later it was raining.) Brilliant me. But it made me decide to write about other things my boyfriend says cause he is funny, sometimes. However,so as not to offend anyone I will call it "Stuff and Things My Boyfriend says" and I call it that because every time I ask him what he is doing he says "stuff and things". So my first installment of Stuff and Things My Boyfriend says will be a story of my boyfriend and the Kardashians.

The man loves the Show Keeping Up with the Kardashians, something that I mock him for every chance I get. He was watching it when I took him breakfast this morning. I walk in and he immediately tells me to shush cause Bruce Jenner, the dad, just walked in and in the words of boyfriend Bruce "just walks in, gives a quick burn to everyone and walks out". Bruce then does a quick burn on his wife Chris, boyfriend then begins laughing and jumps up and down screaming "Bruce Jenner is the man!" I just stared at the man I am in love with wondering "who is this man and why am I so drawn to him? Why do I find this moment of Kardashian obsession so endearing?!" He then says "Look, you would love this show if you gave it a chance. This is my Gilmore Girls." My reply? Stunned silence. He then goes on to rave about Scott somebody, one of the sisters boyfriends and how funny he is and how Khloe "manhandles" everyone. "The family dynamic is hilarious". My man loves him some Kardashian. Odd.