A Man and his Shoelaces

I have had this theory for a long time. Since the time I had my first college boyfriend which was almost six years ago. As of late the theory has been in my head a lot lately as I am noticing shoelaces. My theory is this: You can tell what type of man a man is by how tight he ties his shoes.

Let me explain:

Type 1: This is the type that annoys me a lot and I have been noticing a lot more of these lately. It is the man who ties his shoelaces so tight that the front of his shoes start to turn up and look like elf shoes. You know what I mean? The two sides of the shoes are basically touching each other even at the toe and the tongue is nowhere to be seen. And he has so much extra lace that his shoes look untied because the bunny ears are so so long. What this says to me is that this man is uptight and no fun. He can't be any fun cause his feet are in pain from his shoes being on so tight. Also this man, like his shoelaces, is about to snap. The uptight shoelace guy is repressing something, usually his manhood, and is going to snap one day. I knew a guy you did this to his shoes, in fact I dated him off and on for a few years, and he was the guy that was walked all over and pretended to be happy all the time, and was in fact a bigger girl than I was and I knew he was repressing things, hence the shoelaces. And everyman I see with the tight shoelaces reminds me of him and it's not just the shoelaces. BF often comments on how "broken" men look around here, and I see the tight shoelaces and I see a broken man.

Type 2: The cockster. The one whose shoes are high end and sparkling clean but he acts like he doesn't care about them cause the laces are either gone or flopping everywhere. Let's face it, he is too cool for school or at least he thinks so, and he is arrogant, flaunting like a peacock. Yes I have dated a few of these as well and basically they were also bigger girls than I was, so concerned with every detail and trying to look unconcerned. At least they try to pretend they're still men though, and tough guys at that. But let's face it, one quick jab about their lack of tan, and they run crying (true story, I made a man cry with a jab about his white legs).

Type 3: The slip ons. I like a man who wears slip ons, (crocs don't count in this category, men don't wear crocs, boys wear crocs) slips on say to me, I don't care about shoelaces, I want ease and comfort and that is what all men want. They just want to sit in their chair with beer and pretzels and their nothing box wide open in front of them. The slip on man says I can't be bothered with trivial things like shoelaces I have bigger things to do, like be a man.

These are just a few of my theories on shoelaces, I have a few more types but the first one took me so long to write that I am out of time and must go work now. But I am glad to finally get some of it off my chest. I would like to say that I only have 8 more class periods before school is over!!!!